29/06/2011 & 30/06/2011 quotes

Q01 - Tyrone bandits!
Q02 - you banjo!!
Q03 - I didn't know the government were lying to me
Q04 - ciabatta 35p, a packet of ham is £1 so one slice is 20p, tomato 9p, but there's a skiff of butter and a load of salad cream so I'd say overall ... 75p
Q05 - gone are the days of laying on a bed to get zipped up
Q06 - she's off sick, Wimbledon's on
Q07 - they do pay for pasting and pokage
Q08 - shit in the fridge
Q09 - he smelt the fresh cream cakes from half a mile away the big bastard
Q10 - you can't lick someone else's poke
Q11 - rhubarb gives my dad the shits
Q12 - came all the way from Fermanagh with a suitcase
Q13 - you know she pushed her ma down the stairs because her ma was bangin' in the front room
Q14 - I've got love juice on my desk

28/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - I'm gonna have to put out
Q2 - steamroom, spa, hot-tub - you know what he has in mind, dirty bastard
Q3 - suck a walt clean outta my ass
Q4 - I can't stand this level of masturbation
Q5 - I hope they have a shit time and get rabies
Q6 - they'll be coming back with their hole hanging off
Q7 - if you're gonna piss in the hedge, point it at the hedge
Q8 - see when my granny was pregnant, she hit some woman over the head with a brush shaft

27/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - he just sat there with his hands down his pants drinking beer
Q2 - he's the one with the six weins who are all bananas
Q3 - you're a fucking wanker Jeffrey
Q4 - he doesn't bricklay anymore, he's a Country & Western singer now
Q5 - put them in your drawer, it'll make it smell like summer

24/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - "sure I rid her" - " Liar, she wouldn't have rid you"
Q2 - he likes to touch you
Q3 - he's a perverted old shit
Q4 - he likes kissin' and feelin' you
Q5 - the builders ... well they weren't builders ... they gypsies that built my house left our tank uneven
Q6 - then they come back to steal your oil ... and your dog
Q7 - it's the most disappointing sweet, it's just a crackle that's it

22/06/2011 & 23/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - I know! I used to work in the chip van
Q2 - so I did, we used to put Lidl's red sauce in the Heinz bottle
Q3 - does your arse need cleaned?
Q4 - Monica Lewinsky!
Q5 - she called my ma a tramp the other day
Q6 - the laziness is hangin' outta me

21/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - my legs are scary
Q2 - my shoes are rank as well
Q3 - he has a nice bum, it's neat
Q4 - what do you call that film ... it has your boy from Scarface in it ... oh wait it's Scarface
Q5 - she made him shit outside ... he had to shit in the snow
Q6 - you're not showing your hole today

20/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - he talks to her fanny
Q2 - tooth-fairies are off on Sundays
Q3 - she can wipe her hole with it if she wants, I won't be returning it
Q4 - he's such a nob
Q5 - I wouldn't know what a mammoth looks like, raise it as a hairy monkey
Q6 - landmark my hole, that's the best landmark you're ever gonna get ... if you can find it
Q7 - you forget how easy it is to pick up the phone and talk balls
Q8 - nuns beat you up

16/06/2011 & 17/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - Daniel O'Donnell cured my Granny's arthritis
Q2 - I've got a Road Service pencil
Q3 - my pants are on inside out, I've just felt the label
Q4 - that clampet with special needs that lives with my Granda bought a pair of roller-boots with My Little Pony on them ... and they didn't even fit
Q5 - too seedy, I'll be shitting my ass off
Q6 - Chocolate would make you shit too
Q7 - are you nice and wet too?

15/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - did you hear I grew an inch?
Q2 - I think you should be on Jeremy Kyle
Q3 - there's a boy in the bar that can fit ten 2p's on his
Q4 - some peoples don't grow they just get hard because they're already giant
Q5 - "are you ragin' you've only got a five 2p one?" - "but mine grows!!"
Q6 - women don't give a shit, if it's too big they don't want it
Q7 - see that Hovis Granary it's fuckin class

13/06/2011 & 14/06/2011 quotes

Q01 - the honeymoon is over ... he can suck his own balls
Q02 - my mate says your boy is a complete bell-end
Q03 - you could go sober, leave sober but if you had one of those burgers you'd wake up feeling like shit (I had four of those burgers one night!)
Q04 - we were looking for him for ages and he was up the tree
Q05 - "quick... quick, tell me!" - "no" - "you're shit!"
Q06 - stop staring at his groin
Q07 - I love B&M
Q08 - he told me the cat was licking it
Q09 - I could slip through a grating
Q10 - it's me, I always leave a trail of destruction behind me
Q11 - "I can't eat that Big Soup" - "why?" - "it's too big"
Q12 - your feet are rank
Q13 - you don't like pickled onion, I know you don't
Q14 - He pushed me!
Q15 - I hate Venn diagrams
Q16 - secret red pens, they're good ones, they're Staedtler. They're the dear ones!
Q17 - thems the good post-its, the ones that say 'Post-it'. Them ones that say 'Banner' are cheap shit but the best are Tesco's they're the stickiest

May Quote of the Month

Best Total: we went to Glastonbury, like two spastics, with a "Wendy House"

Best Avg: A nun can't have a gay son.

08/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - is a bull a male cow?
Q2 - pure Hollyoaks
Q3 - do you know how much tuna is? Tuna's while dear!
Q4 - in 1992 a fiver was a tenner
Q5 - I've dipped sheep, twice actually
Q6 - there'll be fur flying everywhere .... fur!
Q7 - look at the size of that phone ... any need? ... no need

The Eyes

07/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - birds are evil, sure I had that killer rooster
Q2 - it used to chase you and jump up on your back and peck your head
Q3 - when you were young you used to think sea gulls were lovely things
Q4 - she looked like she was wearing 5 nappies
Q5 - I don't do black bananas

01/06/2011 - 06/06/2011 quotes

Q1 - do you think her husband looks like her?
Q2 - check out the VD!!
Q3 - I hate palm trees
Q4 - they're a rare tree, there's no character to them
Q5 - this coffee doesn't taste normal, maybe they're trying to poison us